Parts three and four



Returning from the Risen Christ Statue walking towards St. James Parish



“Dear children! I wish to tell you to thank God for all the graces which God has given you. For all the fruits thank the Lord and glorify Him! Dear children, learn to give thanks in little things and then you will be able to give thanks also for the big things. Thank you for having responded to my call.”
Our Lady of Medjugorje, October 3, 1985


Friday, October 10th, was our first full day in Medjugorje. Our Lady begins to teach me as I begin to learn what it means to begin anew! Of course being a Friday this was a fast day and being full of excitement I was very eager to please Our Lady and to heed Her call to conversion through prayer and fasting! So early in the morning I decided to completely fast from everything! No food except bread & water.. no coffee.. and no smoking.. Yep! Nothing but God and godly things for me! Well, to be honest sometimes God has this unique way of humbling us when we try to take on the world and so….. I didn’t make it very far.. And I learned a very valuable lesson that first day in Medjugorje about “the spirit being willing but the flesh being weak.” It humbled me!

By 1:00pm I couldn’t take the withdrawal from going without a cigarette and coffee which I won’t argue are most likely my greatest addictions.. Especially the smoking! Barb, Evelyn and Sarah had invited me to accompany them to Victor’s Restaurant around noon.. They chose Victor’s because he caters to those fasting on bread and water and makes a wonderful bread to fast on.. When I expressed that I couldn’t take it anymore (the cravings!) and was going to step outside for a cigarette Sarah suggested that I eat a meal instead and only fast from the cigarettes, or from the smokes and coffee alone.. My skin was literally crawling! It was too late! I had made up my mind! I excused myself from the table and walked outside and lit a cigarette.. soon enough, I felt so guilty for being so weak and unable to succeed in this fast.. I was devastated! And I started saying sorry over and over to Jesus and Our Lady for failing.. And it was then that I looked up and saw this beautiful cloud formation just above St. James Parish that resembled Our Lady..




Therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but He said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:7,8

Perhaps Our Lady was trying to tell me not to be too hard on myself or that I should not try to conquer the world when I fast because by this time I was really feeling not only discouraged but really defeated! So this consolation came at a perfect time.. While I’m sure Our Lady was probably smiling at my effort this was also a reminder to me that I can not do anything on my own without Christ. How much had I prepared for this? How much had I asked in prayer for the graces beforehand? I must make an effort to meet Jesus in the graces He desires to bestow upon me but I must also remember that it is only through Him that I can accomplish anything that bears good fruit.

“I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in Me and I in them will bear much fruit, because without Me you can do nothing.”
John 15:5

I stumbled in my pockets to take a picture (posted above) but unfortunately by the time I snapped the picture the cloud was loosing it’s form.. When I first saw this cloud you could see Our Lady’s head with a full mantle wrapped around Her.. Now I went from feeling defeated to feeling excited as if a little kid coming in the door from school eager to show mommy the picture I just drew at school! And so I quickly went back inside Victor’s to show the ladies the picture I had just taken.. The rest of the day I would fast on just a single bowl of soup and bread & water.. I know the cigarettes and the coffee will come in time eventually if I keep trying and remain open to the graces God desires to bestow.. How much do I desire to be transformed? Yet I am consoled! Keep praying for the grace John-boy! It’s already there! Just keep trying and don’t give up!



Beautiful Roses in Nada’s from yard where we stayed

There is something uniquely different about Medjugorje then my environment back at home. What is it? The first day or so I struggled a bit to grasp exactly what this difference is.. I don’t just mean around the Parish itself or around the special places of Our Lady’s Heart such as Apparition Hill or Cross Mountain, but even within the entire village itself and all the people you encounter there at any given moment. Then again, it goes without saying that all of humanity has a special place in Our Lady’s Heart! Yet it really didn’t take too long to notice the differences.. And these differences combined with the abundance of graces one continually receives has a lot to do with not ever wanting to leave Medjugorje..

If you have never been to Medjugorje image this for a moment.. Image walking out your front door and everywhere you turn there is a strong sense of peace you not only see but feel immensely and deep within your heart that is truly visible on each and every face and in every heart you encounter.. Again, with each passing moment your own heart truly begins to transform! Imagine entering a coffee shop, a restaurant or even a pub and as you take a seat you notice a beautiful portrait of Our Blessed Mother hanging on the wall.. And not just one shop, restaurant or pub but pretty much all of them! Or a Crucifix just above the counter as you go to pay your bill.. And soft music that sings praises to Our God playing in the background just about everywhere in town that you could possibly go.. Imagine a place where you can not walk half a block without passing a priest.. Imagine all your cab drivers where you live having Rosaries hanging from their rear-view-mirrors.. And knowing in your heart that those Rosaries are not merely decorations but are most likely put to great use on a daily basis..

Imagine going to Mass twice daily and everyone sings! And everyone wants to sit upfront! And there are anywhere from a dozen to twenty priest’s surrounding the Altar at each Mass.. And outside your Parish are lines and lines of people eager to make a good confession! And also outside are swarms of people gathered together reciting the Rosary no matter what language you speak.. We are all together in prayer! All of us! In unity! And that Jesus present in the Eucharist is at the center of it all! With His Blessed Mother Who He has given to us to be Our Mother covering each of us with Her Mantle of LOVE! Image that this is your town! That this is where you live! Pretty amazing huh! This is Medjugorje! No wonder we never want to leave!

Yes, I won’t lie.. The devil is always in the midst trying to ruin what Our Lady is doing.. She has warned us of this from the beginning.. "My dear children! Satan is so strong and with all his might wants to disturb my plans which I have begun with you. You pray, just pray and don't stop for a minute! I will pray to my Son for the realization of all the plans I have begun. Be patient and constant in your prayers. And don't let Satan discourage you. He is working hard in the world. Be on your guard!" January 14, 1985 (Message given to Vicka) And indeed, there were a few brief moments that I saw him at work.. But each time I also saw all of his attempts quickly snuffed out by the power of God.. I’m left to believe that ole hairy legs really has no power there at all.. He just keeps trying to sneak in the back door when no one is looking.. Then he gets busted and thrown back out until the next time he tries.. That’s my take on it anyways..

I never witnessed even a single argument among any two people the entire time I was in Medjugorje.. Just a whole lot of peace! Open hearts! And more open hearts! Unity! Care! Compassion! Mercy & Forgiveness! Stubborn hearts instantly changed and transformed into loving and compassionate hearts eager to help one another! All this LOVE pouring out into the streets of this tiny little village.. Our Lady’s goal? At least in part I’m sure is to see this love pour out onto every street in the entire world! So I couldn’t help feel that this is the way it’s supposed to be! Everywhere! Twenty seven years of pilgrims from every inch of the world making a physical & spiritual journey deep into Our Lady’s Heart.. She wants us to come to Medjugorje and receive this experience, these wonderful graces, this beautiful transformation of heart so that we may bring this love, God’s love, with us when we leave and enter back into our homes, our workplaces, our cities and our countries..


A beautiful Medjugorje sunset

Many of the pictures I took were of the sky at one moment or another.. a sunset.. a unique cloud formation.. Not merely because of anything miraculous that I felt the need to snap a picture but simply because I just marvelled a lot at God’s precious artwork.. The sky over Medjugorje was just gorgeous the entire time we were there.. As you can see by the pictures we were truly blessed to have great weather our entire stay!


We’ve heard this said so many times before.. That Medjugorje is a school! A school of prayer.. We begin to learn how to pray from the heart.. we begin to really learn how to put God first in our lives.. we learn how to begin to surrender wholeheartedly to God.. we begin to learn how to recognize and separate our will from God’s will so that we can better discern and focus more on living according to God’s will..

Our Lady is teaching us, her precious children how to LOVE.. Humanity (I’m speaking in a general sense here) is loosing the ability to love.. Our world is becoming more and more a place that invites us to serve self.. Perhaps it’s been veering this way for a long time now.. And it goes without saying that undoubtedly this displeases God tremendously! Yet instead of choosing utter wrath as a means to deal with humanity as we continued to slip away from Him and His Law especially over the past recent age, out of His infinite mercy God chooses instead to send His Most Holy Mother in our present age to help us come back to Him.. to lend us Her tender hands and help us back up onto our feet.. to guide us back on a good and righteous path towards God.. to bring us into Her Most Immaculate Heart and thus, Her Son’s Most Sacred Heart, that we might be saved in the end!

Medjugorje is about the salvation of souls.. not the loss of souls! And many souls are indeed being saved through the graces we receive.. Many are coming here to Medjugorje with a rekindled faith and leaving this place now choosing to say ‘yes’ to Christ.. May those who oppose Medjugorje one day come to know and accept this in their hearts.. In the past, being a firm believer of Medjugorje I have sometimes struggled with insecurity and even fear that what is occurring in this humble place might be severely damaged to a point that it could no longer produce any good fruit.. Perhaps that the Church might rule against it’s authenticity and ban Medjugorje completely.. Having now visited Medjugorje I no longer harbor such fear or worry! No, not one ounce! For I truly believe that what is of God in such a powerful way simply can not and will not be destroyed.. God simply does not do things in vain! I have seen with my own eyes that it is God Who is in control here! And Our Lady has a unique plan that is without a doubt an intricate part of God’s plan.. Her plan does not oppose God’s plan for salvation by any means.. for together Her plan is God’s plan!



Pilgrims praying in silence before Our Lord on Apparition Hill


If we desire to heed Our Lady’s call to conversion our focus ought not be so much on the secrets or the ‘what’s going to happen soon?’ but instead we ought to really focus with all our heart on the monthly messages and how they apply to each of our lives.. This understanding became very clear to me while I was in Medjugorje.. Very clear! Meaning, we should rather continually reflect with open hearts on ‘what Our Lady teaches me today about who God calls me to be?’ See, Our Lady teaches us the Word of God.. She does not come with a new message but with a specific call to heed God’s Word given to us in Sacred Scripture.. “Read Scripture daily! Have your Bible in an open and visible place in your homes.” So often She reminds us..

In fact, since making this beautiful pilgrimage to Medjugorje I am convinced that not only should we place our hearts focus always on our Lady’s continual messages and daily Scripture reading leaving the ‘unfolding of the future secrets aside’ but that this is so detrimental to our personal conversion journey that focusing too much on the secrets can actually become extremely dangerous and harmful for our own spiritual growth because it really takes away from the awesome plan God has for each one of us in our lives.. I must admit, any time in the past I’ve ever found myself trying to analyze and figure out God’s plan, in the same moments I felt as if God was tapping me on the shoulder and saying, “Hey! Yoo hoo! Why ya looking over there? I’m over here!”

In other words, perhaps better we leave God to handle His affairs and just focus on what God places in our hands each day.. The secrets will occur in God’s time.. Our only concern should be that we spend each moment in prayer and obedience to God’s will.. In this way when the secrets do begin our hearts will be ready.. We really need not concern ourselves with God’s affairs beyond the duty God gives us .. And so far to my knowledge He has not placed it upon us to figure it all out.. Instead, that we allow ourselves to be continually transformed through His graces by making a conscious and moral decision as we awake each day to surrender to His will and who He calls us to be in any given moment.. And that in itself is plenty enough for me to handle..

And so Our Lady slowly spoon feeds us with short messages once a month and for a very good reason! No, they are not lengthy at all.. They are not overly burdening with too much to consume all at once.. Try to take too much in all at once and we’re liable to start choking! Our Lady’s school is one of gentleness and humility.. “Give us this day Thy daily Bread..” So we begin anew each day! The fact that my thoughts rarely if ever wandered away from the present moment the entire time I was there was a miracle and a tremendous grace in itself.. I didn’t worry about what was on tomorrows agenda at any time.. I was always too busy enjoying the fruits of today’s experience.. This is one awesome virtue I am thankful to have experienced while in Medjugorje.. The ability to stay in the present moment.. Thank You Jesus for this wonderful gift! The personal message and understanding I received from this to apply to my own life was to live each day open to what God bestows upon me just for today.. And to simply focus on that which God gives me just for today.. In doing so, tomorrow will be that much easier!



Along the path to Apparition Hill

Later that evening a few of us from our pilgrim group would accompany Fr. Mike (one of two priest’s from our group) to visit another Pansion a ways down the road where he would give a talk to another pilgrim group. Fr. Mike has an interesting conversion story of his own to share which we were blessed to listen to.. However, I’ll leave it at that because it’s really his story to tell.. That is the marvellous thing about Medjugorje though.. It seems that just about everyone you encounter has a unique personal conversion story to share.. And each story you hear becomes a stepping stone for your own conversion story as your heart is deeply touched and begins to be transformed.. There are a lot of hearts coming to fruition around here!

Part Four




150th Anniversary of Our Lady of Lourdes, Right side of the Altar in St. James Parish

"Dear children! I, your Mother, love you and wish to urge you to prayer. I am tireless, dear children, and I am calling you even then, when you are far away from my heart. I am a Mother, and even though I feel pain for each one who goes astray, I forgive easily and am happy for every child who returns to me. Thank you for having responded to my call."
Our Lady of Medjugorje, November 14, 1985


Today is Saturday, our second full day in Medjugorje. Today we ascend Apparition Hill shortly after the morning English Mass. And Saturday is yet another gorgeous day! The sun is shining bright and the temperature is just perfect! I believe it was about the mid to high seventies everyday that we were here in Medjugorje. The nights were cool though.. not freezing but rather cool. The Croatian Mass would begin at 6:00pm just after the Rosary and Our Lady’s apparition at 5:40pm and just as the sun was beginning to set. So when Mass would begin the sun would still be shining and it would still be relatively warm, but by the time Mass was over it would be dark and the air would cool off very quickly. In the morning if you were up before sunrise it was still cool yet the air became warm very quickly after the sun began to rise and your days temperatures were will set by noon.

Each morning shortly before 10:00am we would make our way over to St. James Parish. Moments before 10:00am English speaking pilgrims would gather and begin to line up outside the five entrances to the Church. There are two side entrances on either side of the Church as well as the main entrance. I would make my way to the rear side door on the left hand side as you faced the Altar and wait until the other pilgrims were finished leaving Mass that had just been celebrated in their language. There were a small group of us who preferred to sit & kneel on the floor at the foot of the Altar. I loved being up close for Mass!

Each day, a different visiting priest would celebrate Mass. And if that particular pilgrim group which the celebrant belonged to had a choir, that choir or those pilgrims belonging to that group who enjoyed singing would join the choir off to the left of the Altar. However, everyone who desired to sing in the choir was more than welcomed to sit in and participate. A few of the English Masses we attended while here were celebrated by Irish priest’s and so we were able to hear some really beautiful Irish hymns. I particularly loved the hymn about ‘Our Lady of Knock!’ I had read the lyrics before but had never heard it sung until coming to Medjugorje. This song is beautiful! I have grown very fond of this little hymn and it really moved me to tears!




Our Lady of Knock

So this is for all our Irish friends!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm6ss1PBC1Q&feature=related

Lady of Knock
by Dana (Rosemary Scallon)

There were people of all ages, gathered ‘round the gable wall
poor and humble men and women, little children that you called
We are gathered here before you, and our hearts are just the same
filled with joy at such a vision, as we praise your name

Refrain:
Golden Rose, Queen of Ireland, all my cares and troubles cease
as we kneel with love before you, Lady of Knock, my Queen of Peace
Though your message was unspoken, still the truth in silence lies
as we gaze upon your vision, and the truth I try to find
here I stand with John the teacher, and with Joseph at your side
and I see the Lamb of God, on the Altar glorified

Refrain

And the Lamb will conquer and the woman clothed in the sun
will shine Her light on everyone
and the lamb will conquer and the woman clothed in the sun,
will shine Her light on everyone

Refrain




Along the way to Apparition Hill


"Dear children! My call is that in everything you would be an image for others, especially in prayer and witnessing. Dear children, without you I am not able to help the world. I desire that you cooperate with me in everything, even in the smallest things. Therefore, dear children, help me by letting your prayer be from the heart and all of you surrendering completely to me. That way I shall be able to teach and lead you on this way which I have begun with you. Thank you for having
responded to my call."
Our Lady of Medjugorje, August 28, 1986


We began our journey to Apparition Hill around 11:30am. The walk from Nada’s to Podbrdo was not very long at all.. Perhaps maybe a half mile. As we walked along this path (see photo above) passing merchants from time to time who had set up little tables to sell Rosaries and other religious articles there were close to 50 of us in our group scattered along the way in a relatively short distance.. And as we prayed a Rosary together as a group my thoughts wondered to images of Joseph and Mary with all their relatives walking along what might have been a similar path in those days.. I thought of ‘The Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple’ when it was suddenly discovered that young Jesus was missing. I pictured Mary frantically running from person to person pleading and begging, “Have you seen my Son?! Please! Please! Have you seen my Son?!” How troubling this must have been for her! Any mother whose young child has ever disappeared for even an hour can certainly relate! And the tears of joy streaming down the cheeks of her face when she finally discovered our young Lord who was simply responding to His Father’s call.



Vicka’s childhood home

As we began to walk through neighboring Podbrdo we soon came to a stop at the top of a small hill and gathered around Draga our guide. Fr. Mike pointed out Draga’s childhood home to us. She grew up with the visionaries. She played with them. Draga's calling, as she would share with us was to assist pilgrims in their journey who make their way to Medjugorje. Her call is an example to all of us.. For we are all called to assist one another in our journey’s. After Fr. Mike was finished, Draga humbly smiled and continued by pointing out to us the home directly behind her where Vicka would soon come out and speak to us in the following days.. Vicka does not live in Medjugorje, she lives in a village outside of Medj but meets the pilgrims in the old house where she and her mother used to live. so in a few days we would hopefully return here to listen to her speak to us. Meeting with Vicka had originally been planned for yesterday being Friday, however, she was ill and needed to rest. So of course we kept Vicka in our prayers that she would soon recover.



Pilgrims gathered around Our Lady upon Apparition Hill with Medjugorje in the background

At the foot of Apparition Hill, I along with a few other pilgrims took off our shoes and our socks. I looked at the rocks & boulders straight ahead of me and thought, “What am I thinking! I can’t even walk across the kitchen floor without stubbing my toes let alone the front lawn without saying ‘ouch!’ and I’m going to try and climb this mountain barefoot!” Yet at the same time I was so eager! And I really wanted to do this! Besides Sharon (Little Red) had assured me that I would actually find it soothing. And well, she was right! To be totally honest it was not very difficult at all! In fact just as Sharon had said, it was rather soothing on the feet and when I reached the top of Apparition Hill I looked down and both my feet were still there and fully intact..

And so as I began to climb I also began to pray.. holding a Rosary in one hand and often trying to offer a helping hand to the person behind me with the other. Everyone looked out for one another.. We were not climbing the mountain alone but together as one. And we carried our loved ones and our friends with us in our hearts. It was awesome! Again, remembering name by name those I had offered to pray for. And as each person would come to mind I would ask Our Lord to bless that person in a very special way, and to heal that person where healing is needed, and to answer that person’s prayer request’s. It’s amazing how many people start coming to heart & mind in moments like this..



Ascending Apparition Hill

At the top of the Hill everyone gathered around Draga as she stood close to the Statue of Our Lady. There she continued to relay the story of how Our Lady first appeared to the young visionaries. And she told of a story in the early days when Jacob and a friend were going to climb the mountain even though the authorities had forbidden the children to go there.. and as they began their journey up the hill suddenly Our Lady appeared to them warning them that the authorities were waiting for them and would arrest them at the top if they continued.. Of course the boys heeded Our Lady’s warning.. A blue cross now marks the spot where this apparition took place.

After Draga was finished we remained at the top of the hill for some time before making our decent. It was very peaceful there. Everywhere in Medjugorje is peaceful.. but particularly these special sacred places such as Apparition Hill, Cross mountain, Fr. Slavko's grave and St. James Parish are extremely peaceful places to sit and pray. It becomes so easy to just sit and lie down completely in Our Lady’s arms with our head resting on her Heart when you find yourself alone for even a few brief moments in these special places. It is said that Our Lady appears at the foot of the Cross around 6:00am to pray before Her Son on Mt. Križevac every morning as the sun begins to rise.



Pulsating sun just after Our Lady’s appearance


Sometime around 4:30pm I made my way to Zana’s internet services which is located along a walkway leading onto the Parish premises. I took a few minutes to touch base with you guys before the Rosary and Croatian Mass would begin.. The Rosary at 5:00pm & the Mass at 6:00pm. (my apologies for being repetitive as I've already posted about this) After visiting the forum I left and went to join in with everyone in the Rosary. As everyone gathers around the Church there is a P.A. system and someone is praying the Rosary in Croatian.. you follow along in your own language.. Somehow, even though I do not understand a word of Croatian, I am still able to know where they are at in the prayers and found it easy to follow along in English..

Many had gathered outside the Church at the benches. I was standing near the confessionals following along in the Rosary and I felt as if I was supposed to go to Confession right now at this very minute even though I had just went a few days ago and did not feel the need to go.. There were no sins weighing heavy on my heart in that moment yet there was no escaping this strong nudge to go to confession. So I went and stood in an English confessional line.

While in line I asked Our Blessed Mother to place on my heart whatever I may need to Confess.. I entered the Confessional not really knowing what I would say.. and when I came out a few moments later I was completely overwhelmed in tears having poured out my heart.. The Irish priest I just made my confession with gave me 7 Hail Mary’s for penance.. and so I went to the benches along the outside wall of the Church to find a place to kneel and do my penance.. As I knelt down to pray the 7 Hail Mary’s, I couldn’t help but notice that so did everyone else kneel right along with me.. about a hundred or so people! I thought, “Huh? Why is everyone kneeling along with me while I do my penance?” still sobbing with tears of relief, gratitude & joy I continued to pray my penance and afterwards as I arose to sit back in the bench, so did everyone else along with me.. Puzzled, I thought, “what’s going on here!!” Then it suddenly occurred to me.. I had just done me penance exactly during the moments Our Lady was appearing to one of the Visionaries!!

So, already overwhelmed with tears of joy, this made me smile ear to ear and I started saying “Thank you Blessed Mother!” over and over again.. And suddenly I felt this inner nudge to look at the sun.. And the next thing I know I'm staring straight into the sun without any strain.. And everything around me suddenly faded away and all I could see for a few moments was the sun.. And the sun was spinning and then began to pulsate in its place.. growing larger and smaller, larger and smaller.. And the actual sun was now pure white as snow, like the Eucharist! And a very thin ring of fire was spinning around its outer perimeter.. Sometimes this ring was a ring of fire and then it would change and turn silver.. It was totally awesome!!!!

I was in total awe! Even though I’ve known about this for many years and have seen it in pictures and on home videos I was still completely awed by what I was actually seeing before my own eyes!.. and so excited like a little kid I'm grabbing people as they walked by me asking if they could see it too? And I think some of these poor people thought I was strange.. I don’t think any of them spoke English and they didn’t really understand me.. I was like a little kid full of excitement!! and I wanted to share it with everyone!! I looked around me and no one else seemed to see it.. About 5 more minutes into this and I saw a small pilgrim group also staring at the sun and went over and asked if they could see it also, and they could.. So finally I knew it wasn't just me.. and then a moment later I found Celina from our group.. And asked her to come see quickly.. Which she did.. and she saw it too.. This went on for about 15 minutes.. and then it was time for Mass.. I would see this phenomenon a total of five times while in Medjugorje..

After all these years I felt truly blessed that I was able to witness this phenomenon! Perhaps I didn’t need to see it because I have believed all along beforehand, yet still, it was a great comforting consolation to witness God’s power in such a unique and marvelous way! The night before I left for Medjugorje the last thing my son Nathaniel asked me was, “Papa, are you going to see the sun spin?” So it was a tremendous blessing to be able to tell my children about this when I returned home.
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