Johns story -  Part five Returning from the Risen Christ Statue walking towards St. James Parish "Dear children! I wish to tell you to thank God for all the graces which God has given you. For all the fruits thank the Lord and glorify Him! Dear children, learn to give thanks in little things and then you will be able to give thanks also for the big things. Thank you for having responded to my call." Our Lady of Medjugorje, October 3, 1985 Friday, October 10th, was our first full day in Medjugorje. Our Lady begins to teach me as I begin to learn what it means to begin anew! Of course being a Friday this was a fast day and being full of excitement I was very eager to please Our Lady and to heed Her call to conversion through prayer and fasting! So early in the morning I decided to completely fast from everything! No food except bread & water.. no coffee.. and no smoking.. Yep! Nothing but God and godly things for me! Well, to be honest sometimes God has this unique way of humbling us when we try to take on the world and so….. I didn't make it very far.. And I learned a very valuable lesson that first day in Medjugorje about "the spirit being willing but the flesh being weak." It humbled me! By 1:00pm I couldn't take the withdrawal from going without a cigarette and coffee which I won't argue are most likely my greatest addictions.. Especially the smoking! Barb, Evelyn and Sarah had invited me to accompany them to Victor's Restaurant around noon.. They chose Victor's because he caters to those fasting on bread and water and makes a wonderful bread to fast on.. When I expressed that I couldn't take it anymore (the cravings!) and was going to step outside for a cigarette Sarah suggested that I eat a meal instead and only fast from the cigarettes, or from the smokes and coffee alone.. My skin was literally crawling! It was too late! I had made up my mind! I excused myself from the table and walked outside and lit a cigarette.. soon enough, I felt so guilty for being so weak and unable to succeed in this fast.. I was devastated! And I started saying sorry over and over to Jesus and Our Lady for failing.. And it was then that I looked up and saw this beautiful cloud formation just above St. James Parish that resembled Our Lady.. Therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but He said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:7,8 Perhaps Our Lady was trying to tell me not to be too hard on myself or that I should not try to conquer the world when I fast because by this time I was really feeling not only discouraged but really defeated! So this consolation came at a perfect time.. While I'm sure Our Lady was probably smiling at my effort this was also a reminder to me that I can not do anything on my own without Christ. How much had I prepared for this? How much had I asked in prayer for the graces beforehand? I must make an effort to meet Jesus in the graces He desires to bestow upon me but I must also remember that it is only through Him that I can accomplish anything that bears good fruit. "I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in Me and I in them will bear much fruit, because without Me you can do nothing." John 15:5 I stumbled in my pockets to take a picture (posted above) but unfortunately by the time I snapped the picture the cloud was loosing it's form.. When I first saw this cloud you could see Our Lady's head with a full mantle wrapped around Her.. Now I went from feeling defeated to feeling excited as if a little kid coming in the door from school eager to show mommy the picture I just drew at school! And so I quickly went back inside Victor's to show the ladies the picture I had just taken.. The rest of the day I would fast on just a single bowl of soup and bread & water.. I know the cigarettes and the coffee will come in time eventually if I keep trying and remain open to the graces God desires to bestow.. How much do I desire to be transformed? Yet I am consoled! Keep praying for the grace John-boy! It's already there! Just keep trying and don't give up! Beautiful Roses in Nada's from yard where we stayed There is something uniquely different about Medjugorje then my environment back at home. What is it? The first day or so I struggled a bit to grasp exactly what this difference is.. I don't just mean around the Parish itself or around the special places of Our Lady's Heart such as Apparition Hill or Cross Mountain, but even within the entire village itself and all the people you encounter there at any given moment. Then again, it goes without saying that all of humanity has a special place in Our Lady's Heart! Yet it really didn't take too long to notice the differences.. And these differences combined with the abundance of graces one continually receives has a lot to do with not ever wanting to leave Medjugorje.. If you have never been to Medjugorje image this for a moment.. Image walking out your front door and everywhere you turn there is a strong sense of peace you not only see but feel immensely and deep within your heart that is truly visible on each and every face and in every heart you encounter.. Again, with each passing moment your own heart truly begins to transform! Imagine entering a coffee shop, a restaurant or even a pub and as you take a seat you notice a beautiful portrait of Our Blessed Mother hanging on the wall.. And not just one shop, restaurant or pub but pretty much all of them! Or a Crucifix just above the counter as you go to pay your bill.. And soft music that sings praises to Our God playing in the background just about everywhere in town that you could possibly go.. Imagine a place where you can not walk half a block without passing a priest.. Imagine all your cab drivers where you live having Rosaries hanging from their rear-view-mirrors.. And knowing in your heart that those Rosaries are not merely decorations but are most likely put to great use on a daily basis.. Imagine going to Mass twice daily and everyone sings! And everyone wants to sit upfront! And there are anywhere from a dozen to twenty priest's surrounding the Altar at each Mass.. And outside your Parish are lines and lines of people eager to make a good confession! And also outside are swarms of people gathered together reciting the Rosary no matter what language you speak.. We are all together in prayer! All of us! In unity! And that Jesus present in the Eucharist is at the center of it all! With His Blessed Mother Who He has given to us to be Our Mother covering each of us with Her Mantle of LOVE! Image that this is your town! That this is where you live! Pretty amazing huh! This is Medjugorje! No wonder we never want to leave! Yes, I won't lie.. The devil is always in the midst trying to ruin what Our Lady is doing.. She has warned us of this from the beginning.. "My dear children! Satan is so strong and with all his might wants to disturb my plans which I have begun with you. You pray, just pray and don't stop for a minute! I will pray to my Son for the realization of all the plans I have begun. Be patient and constant in your prayers. And don't let Satan discourage you. He is working hard in the world. Be on your guard!" January 14, 1985 (Message given to Vicka) And indeed, there were a few brief moments that I saw him at work.. But each time I also saw all of his attempts quickly snuffed out by the power of God.. I'm left to believe that ole hairy legs really has no power there at all.. He just keeps trying to sneak in the back door when no one is looking.. Then he gets busted and thrown back out until the next time he tries.. That's my take on it anyways.. I never witnessed even a single argument among any two people the entire time I was in Medjugorje.. Just a whole lot of peace! Open hearts! And more open hearts! Unity! Care! Compassion! Mercy & Forgiveness! Stubborn hearts instantly changed and transformed into loving and compassionate hearts eager to help one another! All this LOVE pouring out into the streets of this tiny little village.. Our Lady's goal? At least in part I'm sure is to see this love pour out onto every street in the entire world! So I couldn't help feel that this is the way it's supposed to be! Everywhere! Twenty seven years of pilgrims from every inch of the world making a physical & spiritual journey deep into Our Lady's Heart.. She wants us to come to Medjugorje and receive this experience, these wonderful graces, this beautiful transformation of heart so that we may bring this love, God's love, with us when we leave and enter back into our homes, our workplaces, our cities and our countries.. A beautiful Medjugorje sunset Many of the pictures I took were of the sky at one moment or another.. a sunset.. a unique cloud formation.. Not merely because of anything miraculous that I felt the need to snap a picture but simply because I just marveled a lot at God's precious artwork.. The sky over Medjugorje was just gorgeous the entire time we were there.. As you can see by the pictures we were truly blessed to have great weather our entire stay! We've heard this said so many times before.. That Medjugorje is a school! A school of prayer.. We begin to learn how to pray from the heart.. we begin to really learn how to put God first in our lives.. we learn how to begin to surrender wholeheartedly to God.. we begin to learn how to recognize and separate our will from God's will so that we can better discern and focus more on living according to God's will.. Our Lady is teaching us, her precious children how to LOVE.. Humanity (I'm speaking in a general sense here) is loosing the ability to love.. Our world is becoming more and more a place that invites us to serve self.. Perhaps it's been veering this way for a long time now.. And it goes without saying that undoubtedly this displeases God tremendously! Yet instead of choosing utter wrath as a means to deal with humanity as we continued to slip away from Him and His Law especially over the past recent age, out of His infinite mercy God chooses instead to send His Most Holy Mother in our present age to help us come back to Him.. to lend us Her tender hands and help us back up onto our feet.. to guide us back on a good and righteous path towards God.. to bring us into Her Most Immaculate Heart and thus, Her Son's Most Sacred Heart, that we might be saved in the end! Medjugorje is about the salvation of souls.. not the loss of souls! And many souls are indeed being saved through the graces we receive.. Many are coming here to Medjugorje with a rekindled faith and leaving this place now choosing to say 'yes' to Christ.. May those who oppose Medjugorje one day come to know and accept this in their hearts.. In the past, being a firm believer of Medjugorje I have sometimes struggled with insecurity and even fear that what is occurring in this humble place might be severely damaged to a point that it could no longer produce any good fruit.. Perhaps that the Church might rule against it's authenticity and ban Medjugorje completely.. Having now visited Medjugorje I no longer harbor such fear or worry! No, not one ounce! For I truly believe that what is of God in such a powerful way simply can not and will not be destroyed.. God simply does not do things in vain! I have seen with my own eyes that it is God Who is in control here! And Our Lady has a unique plan that is without a doubt an intricate part of God's plan.. Her plan does not oppose God's plan for salvation by any means.. for together Her plan is God's plan! Pilgrims praying in silence before Our Lord on Apparition Hill If we desire to heed Our Lady's call to conversion our focus ought not be so much on the secrets or the 'what's going to happen soon?' but instead we ought to really focus with all our heart on the monthly messages and how they apply to each of our lives.. This understanding became very clear to me while I was in Medjugorje.. Very clear! Meaning, we should rather continually reflect with open hearts on 'what Our Lady teaches me today about who God calls me to be?' See, Our Lady teaches us the Word of God.. She does not come with a new message but with a specific call to heed God's Word given to us in Sacred Scripture.. "Read Scripture daily! Have your Bible in an open and visible place in your homes." So often She reminds us.. In fact, since making this beautiful pilgrimage to Medjugorje I am convinced that not only should we place our hearts focus always on our Lady's continual messages and daily Scripture reading leaving the 'unfolding of the future secrets aside' but that this is so detrimental to our personal conversion journey that focusing too much on the secrets can actually become extremely dangerous and harmful for our own spiritual growth because it really takes away from the awesome plan God has for each one of us in our lives.. I must admit, any time in the past I've ever found myself trying to analyze and figure out God's plan, in the same moments I felt as if God was tapping me on the shoulder and saying, "Hey! Yoo hoo! Why ya looking over there? I'm over here!" In other words, perhaps better we leave God to handle His affairs and just focus on what God places in our hands each day.. The secrets will occur in God's time.. Our only concern should be that we spend each moment in prayer and obedience to God's will.. In this way when the secrets do begin our hearts will be ready.. We really need not concern ourselves with God's affairs beyond the duty God gives us .. And so far to my knowledge He has not placed it upon us to figure it all out.. Instead, that we allow ourselves to be continually transformed through His graces by making a conscious and moral decision as we awake each day to surrender to His will and who He calls us to be in any given moment.. And that in itself is plenty enough for me to handle.. And so Our Lady slowly spoon feeds us with short messages once a month and for a very good reason! No, they are not lengthy at all.. They are not overly burdening with too much to consume all at once.. Try to take too much in all at once and we're liable to start choking! Our Lady's school is one of gentleness and humility.. "Give us this day Thy daily Bread.." So we begin anew each day! The fact that my thoughts rarely if ever wandered away from the present moment the entire time I was there was a miracle and a tremendous grace in itself.. I didn't worry about what was on tomorrows agenda at any time.. I was always too busy enjoying the fruits of today's experience.. This is one awesome virtue I am thankful to have experienced while in Medjugorje.. The ability to stay in the present moment.. Thank You Jesus for this wonderful gift! The personal message and understanding I received from this to apply to my own life was to live each day open to what God bestows upon me just for today.. And to simply focus on that which God gives me just for today.. In doing so, tomorrow will be that much easier! Along the path to Apparition Hill Later that evening a few of us from our pilgrim group would accompany Fr. Mike (one of two priest's from our group) to visit another Pansion a ways down the road where he would give a talk to another pilgrim group. Fr. Mike has an interesting conversion story of his own to share which we were blessed to listen to.. However, I'll leave it at that because it's really his story to tell.. That is the marvelous thing about Medjugorje though.. It seems that just about everyone you encounter has a unique personal conversion story to share.. And each story you hear becomes a stepping stone for your own conversion story as your heart is deeply touched and begins to be transformed.. There are a lot of hearts coming to fruition around here! _________________